(A variation of Parts Therapy)
(A variation of Parts Therapy)
Every negative thought, belief, feeling and/or dysfunctional behavior we have is connected to a “wounded part" of us that stays within our psyches (and our bodies) that carries this angst until we attend to this part to release the trauma (big or small) that created this wounded "part". Some of us have more wounded parts than others but we all have our own wounded parts that interfere in the course of our lives, especially when it comes to our jobs and our relationships.
Those "parts" hold onto the idea that someone who loves us will come and free us from this pain. A lot of us go on into adulthood with the expectation, and hope, that our mothers or fathers will finally understand our pain at some point and will come and take it away.
Even as we grow older these wounded parts come with us into our love relationships and friendships. These wounded child parts of ours still hold onto the fantasy that they will be rescued somehow and those we are in relationship with are expected on some level to take away our pain from earlier negative life experiences. These wounded parts and the unsaid expectations that our love partners are supposed to take away our pain is what causes all of the problems in relationships. So, the more wounded you are the more difficult your relationship may be unless you take responsibility to heal your own wounded child parts.
No matter how much we try to get others or other things to make us feel better, the only thing or person that is going to be able to do that is YOU!
You can take care of these Wounded Parts if you just follow the steps outlined below. If you want any help or have a questions or problems, email me at . Good Luck!
Step 1. Think of a negative thought, belief, feeling or dysfunctional behavior you have. Close your eyes and let yourself think about this and become more aware of this younger "part" of you that holds onto this thought, belief, feeling or behavior.
Step 2. Have your “wounded child part” that is holding onto this thought, feeling or behavior come to you. When he/she comes, ask that part what it needs to heal. Let yourself get real quiet and listen or just know what this child part is telling you it needs. (It would be good if you wrote these things down individually so you can remember each specific thing that needs to be healed).
Step 3. When that part gives you their list of things that need to be healed, you begin to heal those things the best you can so this “wounded part” feels loved, or accepted, or understood, etc., whatever this part lists in Step 2. Complete this process, going through the things this part needs to heal one by one until this part as much as this part is able to heal at this point in time.
When everything is processed, ask this part if there is something else that it needs in order to be healed. If this part doesn’t need anything else at this time, then continue below.
Step 4. Make a contract with this part that you will never leave/abandon this part again, and, if necessary, you need to reconcile any issues this part may have with you because you did push this part off to the side for a long time because you didn’t want to deal with the negative aspects of this part as we all do because of the negative emotions attached to this part. Work with this part until this part trusts that you won’t leave again (as much as this part is going to trust you right now, remember, it’s not what we say but what we do so you will have to gain this part’s full trust over time by proving through your future behavior that you will not leave this part again). Assure this part that you will check in on it from time to time. As a matter of fact, converse with this part and come to some kind of agreement/compromise as to how often you need to check in with this part to make this part feel taken care of.
Step 5. Then have this part come and join you (have this part come aboard) and stay with you somewhere on or in your body so this part learns to trust that this part will be with you now forever (some reduce her in size and put her in their hearts, some wounded children ride with the adult in a knapsack on the adult’s back, etc., whatever you and this part negotiate).
Step 6. See through your imagination if this part has any strengths that it can add to your current strengths to help you in the future in positive, healthy ways. Process these strengths, using your imagination to actually see yourself using them by projecting this “new you” into the future and play out a scenario where you are actually utilizing these new strengths on situations that may have presented as more problematic in the past.
Realize that as this part heals more and more, it will get bigger and bigger in size and age until it grows to be your current size and age, then will just naturally become a part of your whole self and will not even be distinguished as a separate part anymore.
After you’ve fully processed all of this information, come back into full awareness whenever you are ready and enjoy the rest of day.
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